A Very Blended Holiday

The holidays are such a magical time.

We fill our homes with delicious baked treats, glistening trees, and the smooth, melodious sounds of the Michael Bublé Christmas album.  We go to Christmas programs, parades, and candle light services.  We snuggle up in our favorite Christmas PJs and settle in on the couch to watch our favorite Christmas movies, while sipping on hot cocoa.

Even just writing about it makes me feel all warm and cozy!

But for the blended family, the magic can sometimes be dimmed.

While the holidays are supposed to be a time of love and laughter,  those things are often overshadowed by the realities of co-parenting, and managing a blended family.

As parents/bonus parents, we do our best to cram every last Christmas activity into half the time that traditional families get to spend together, in an effort to make sure that our children do not feel as if they’re missing out on anything while they’re away.

We shuffle from one set of Grandparents to the next, spending just enough time to exchange gifts, and maybe nibble a cookie before rushing off to the next house. Always leaving someone feeling as if they’ve been short changed because they didn’t get enough time.

Then every other year on Christmas Eve, we set up the milk and cookies, and throw out the reindeer food, only to be faced with the fact that our kids will not be nestled all snug in their beds, at least not within the walls of our home.  They’ll be snuggled into a bed across town, or across the state, or maybe even across the country.  We’ll lay our heads down that night with an ache in our hearts, praying for morning to come quickly so that we can hug our babies. 

This is the reality of Christmas with a blended family.

We treasure every moment that we get to spend with our children over their holiday break because we know that we’re only getting half.  

We become so protective of the limited amount of time that we have, that we often CHOOSE (yes, choose!) to miss out on family or church events just to savor a moment of family time with our entire family.  

This can leave our families and friends feeling hurt or left out, and can sometimes lead to discord within the extended family unit.

As a result this can leave the blended family feeling guilty, and with the irrational need to justify, explain, or even defend their choices and their family dynamic.

But please remember, this isn’t a life that we would have necessarily chosen for ourselves.

It’s a life full of compromises, and sometimes it’s hard.

We wanted all the things that the traditional family has.

We wanted to be at all the Christmas events, and family gatherings

We wanted to go to the Christmas parades, and candle light services.

We wanted to tuck our babies into their beds every single Christmas Eve, knowing that we’d be awakened early by the sound of little feet running into our rooms.

But that’s not the life we live. 

So whether you’re a part of a blended family yourself, or just know someone who is, I encourage you to extend a little grace to them this holiday season.

Instead of getting frustrated with us when we can’t make an event, or if we aren’t exactly the life of the party, show a little compassion.  

We aren’t asking for pity, or for you to rearrange your life to accommodate ours.  We only ask that you try to be understanding as we navigate this beautifully hectic time of the year.  

So, Merry Christmas from our blended bunch to yours!

And prayers for an abundance of blessings in the New Year!