My Dirty Little Secret.

We all have them.

A dirty little secret.

A secret that lives in the back of our minds, and will occasionally dust off the cob webs long enough to pop back in and remind us that it’s still there, and of who we “really” are.

For years I’ve avoided mine. 

I’ve dreaded moments that would force me to acknowledge my past, and be honest about my experience.

It made me feel dirty.

As a result, very few people outside of the typical small town rumor mill, know my secret.  Especially those in my “new” life. 

But I feel like a big, fat fraud.

It feels as if at any moment the world will see me for who I really am, and suddenly figure out that I’m a fake!

How am I supposed to be a good friend, mentor, or Christian example if I’m unable to be honest about where I’ve come from?

How am I supposed to lead a successful ministry (successful meaning, helping as many others as I can) if I am unwilling to truly expose myself?

How am I supposed to glorify God for the miraculous works he’s done in my life if people don’t know where I started?

I can’t!

And as much as I STILL don’t want to fully put this out there, I know it’s time.  

So here it is.

The ugly truth, and my dirty little secret.

I’ve been divorced.  (I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well, DUH!”  but wait… there’s more)

I’ve been divorced TWICE. 

I’ve been divorced TWICE before I was thirty! 

Which means that my current (and FINAL) husband is my third husband.

Ugh! 

Now, I know you must be thinking “That’s it! That’s her dirty little secret?”  But bear with me just a bit longer and I’ll explain.

I know that this isn’t entirely unheard of. Especially these days.  

But just because it isn’t all that uncommon, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel like some sort of scarlet letter that I’ve been forced to carry around.

I mean, be honest, if someone came up and just blurted out, “I’m on husband number three, but I’m gonna keep this one!” you’re probably going to have a little judgement running through your mind, and maybe even keeping an extra close eye on your husband.  

I GET IT!  Because I’ve done it myself. 

But despite what the outside world may think, my shame doesn’t come from the divorces themselves, but from the sin that it took to get me there.

As a result, I’ve spent years carrying around the condemnation that comes from having multiple divorces.

I’ve often held my tongue when discussing the topic of marriage, family, and divorce because of the enemy whispering in my ear, telling me how dirty and unqualified I am.

I felt as if having multiple divorces immediately disqualified me from giving any sort of meaningful marital advice or spiritual guidance.

But does it?

If you’ve been blessed enough to have been in the church for any amount of time, odds are you’ve heard of the woman at the well. (John 4.  If you haven’t read it, it’s time to dust off your Bible and dive in!)

This has loads to offer but we’re going to hit the high notes.  

In this passage it tells us that Jesus had been traveling, and had come to a well where he met a Samaritan woman. 

The story goes on to tell us that Jesus calls this woman out. Not in a condescending way but more in a “Hey, just so you know, I’m kinda the Messiah, and I already know your business” kind of way.

Jesus asks the woman to get her husband to draw water up for them.  When the woman replies, “I have no husband”, Jesus pretty much says, Yeah, I know.  You’ve had five.  And the dude you’re shacked up with now isn’t your husband either!

THIS POOR WOMAN.

Here she is, minding her own business at the well. Probably trying to get a break from the screaming kids at home, and here comes this Jewish man airing out all her dirty laundry.

After all that this woman says, Wow! You must be a prophet!  

Which is pretty much the greatest understatement EVER.

But in verse 25 she says, “I know that the Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When He comes, He will tell us all things”.

Jesus then says, “I am He”.

Now, this is the moment that the woman could have covered her face in shame. I mean, she’s sitting beside the son of God for pete’s sake. 

But she didn’t!

Instead, the Bible tells us that she ran into her town saying, “Come see the man who told me everything I’ve ever done!”

I’m sorry? Whhhhaaaaattttt???

I’m sure she wasn’t exactly viewed as an upstanding citizen of her community.

The other women in town probably looked at her as if she were trash, and told their husbands, if I ever see you so much as look at her, you’re a dead man!

I’m sure she felt dirty.

I’m sure she felt ashamed.

But that didn’t stop her from going into the middle of that town square and saying, Hey! Come meet this man. The Messiah!  He told me everything I’ve ever done. The good. The bad. And the ugly, and he STILL offered me salvation from my sins!

John 4:39 goes on to say “From that city many of the Samaritans believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified”. 

Y’all!!! They said, MANY believed because of this woman’s testimony.  

This imperfect, broken woman helped bring MANY to Christ because she was brave enough to shout from the rooftops what He had done for her.

It’s me! I am this woman!

And here I am, RUNNING into the middle of the world (cause you know the internet is BIG), and I’m shouting, “Come see the man who has told me everything I’ve done, but loves me inspite of it all!”. 

You see, God doesn’t need me to tell Him what I’ve done.  He knows, and He loves me anyway.

He saw me in the middle of my first divorce when I was fighting so hard to get out.

He saw me cling to the first man who wanted my attention, and compromise everything just to avoid heartache again.

He saw me in the middle of my second divorce praying that He would save my marriage.

He saw me trying with all my might not to fall into old, self destructive habits.

He saw ME! His beautiful daughter.

Not the ugliness of my sin.

So, today my sweet friends, I want you to know that God sees Y.O.U!

He sees you through all of the shame, and guilt of your past.  Through all of the heartache, and pain that you’ve endured. 

He sees you.  His beautiful creation.

So it’s time to let go!

Let go of that dirty little secret that whispers lies about who you “really” are.

Let go of the shame of your past, and start embracing the promises of tomorrow.

I want you to RUN to the middle of your universe, and shout about what God has done for you.

He has delivered you, and your story needs to be told in order to help rescue someone else. Maybe even rescue MANY!

After all, I’m pretty sure that Samaritan woman sitting at that well would have never imagined that her dirty little secret would bring such peace to a divorced woman two-thousand years later.  

But yet, here I sit.